Summer in the city

One day I woke up, blinked, then caught myself holding a baby in each arm. That´s how it feels like. I try to remember the first few weeks and months with the twins - most of it is a blur. People used to tell me that the first year flies by but back then the whole baby idea was still so distant to me that I didn´t understand. Didn´t understand or relate because they were the parents and I?! I was the girl who left Germany to sing in front of 2000 chinese people and eat drunken bbq on a saturday night. 9 months have turned me into one of them and I feel like it was only yesterday that I came out of surgery and got told Noah is in intensive care, then I blinked and today I watch him crawling around, becoming more beautiful to me by the minute. Time is not flying. It is a blur.

In 11 days I will blink again and the twins will be 9 months old. 9 freaking months. Time on earth as long as time inside me. Months in which two tiny people have entered my heart and soul. Months in which I have had more stress, more on my mind, more emotional ups and downs than ever in my life. Months that started out with a decision, following an airplane ticket, then the labour ward - until on Nov 26th a new life two new lives began.

It is summer in the city and although school is about to start which is a new, amazing and exhausting journey altogether in this very moment I am loving the ups while writing off the downs as life lessons.

Back to school 2012

 I got three weeks to go. Three weeks until I stand in front of them. Teaching them german and english and hopefully doing a good job. I am excited and happy and excited and happy and in between I want to pee my pants cause I am crazy scared. This is the real deal. No more "I teach you a Justin Bieber song today"- No more " I ehhhh come ehhhh from the China". This is serious shit. China, your were easy. I miss you.

Two weeks ago I frequently started visiting the twins future childminder. Change takes time, getting to know a new person takes even more. Our life got intense and educational and involved quite a bit, sometimes hard work. When we started, the first day was a disaster, the second semi ok and just when I felt defeated and stressed and a little hopeless that all of this might turn out well in the end it got better and with every visit the twins became a little less anxious and enjoyed more. So far so good. Of course it is still a major undertaking to get myself, then the twins ready, then putting the twins in the car, and I am sure I have to get up at a crazy hour once school starts - until now I could not get myself to switch my alarm to such an unhealthy time - but practice makes perfect or at least doable.

Three days ago we then hit another major step with Noah starting to crawl. Hello world, here we are: two crazy infants on the move - but although I said before that once both kids are mobile I would need to start looking for a surgeon willing to implant an extra pair of eyes on my back, I was and am far too excited for my little man to finally be able to move around like his sister. 

As for Nele - she is still the fast and the furious - all together and combined. Fearless and happy and wild with frequent bruises and an unbeatable energy. 

So in August life is crazy and exciting and I keep all fingers crossed that my new timetable with work and twins minus a husband will work out. 

 A few days I ago I came across the quote "Everything you can imagine is real." 

Well, thank you, Mr Picasso. I imagine myself being all superwoman and zen. 

Ohmm. 

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