Dear Noah,

I look at you and I see beauty. You are calm and beautiful. Sometimes I can not take my eyes of you. That's how beautiful you are to me. In a family full of women you are our little prince around. I adore you. You had a rough start to life and I did not get to see you for almost two days after you were born. I was still on the operating table when the doctors rushed you into intensive care. I will never forget the moment when I woke up and was told that you were not there. My heart broke. I will also never forget how the nurse put me in a wheelchair the next day so I could go and see you for ten minutes. Even surrounded by what felt like a thousand machines my only thought was how beautiful you are to me. I was overwhelmed and cried while you laid in my arms. You were so much bigger than your sister, yet you seemed so weak. I will never forget how you joined me and Nele two days later and how worried I was cause you were weak. I could hardly move myself but I tried my best to be there for you, to hold you and show you that you are loved. With time you recovered well and I am so proud of you. You are a fighter. My little Noah, just like when I was pregnant with you, you are the calmer one. You love to be carried around and to cuddle. I love to sleep next to you, knowing that you feel safe and loved by my side. You make me feel needed and loved. I love you with all my heart. You are amazing.

Noah 3 weeks old.

Dear Nele,

when I look at you I see perfection. Many times it still feels unreal to me. I want to pinch myself because I can not believe you are my daughter, that I get to call you mine from now on. Most of the time you are the funniest thing around. Thank you for making me laugh so much. Even when I don't feel like getting up at 4am you put a smile on my face and make me forget how tired I am. Just like when I was still pregnant you move quickly, your eyes moving fast, observing the world around you. You are witty and full of life. People adore you cause you look like a little doll. My little doll. They love you for your cuteness. Days after you were born you started smiling. I love your smile. I will never forget the two days me and you had together after you were born and your brother was still in intensive care. Although I could hardly move I tried my best or rang the bell so I could hold you. I fed you and held you under my blanket. You grabbed my finger and held on tight as if you wanted to tell me that you are here with me. At night I could not stop looking at you, unable to believe you are mine now. My little Nele, I love you with all my heart. Thank you for making my days brighter, for making me smile and laugh every day. You are amazing.

Nele 3 weeks old.

The story of Noah and Nele

Drinking chinese tea in a state of being completely lost and heart broken my friend Laura asked me in April this year: "I mean what is the greatest thing you ever done in your life?" Getting my driving liscence, graduating from uni, picking myself up when the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with left me????!!!! - I looked at her and nodded but at the time I was too lost to know the answer. We were sitting in her living room which was cold as always but had become a little piece of home since I moved to the south east of China. I was about 5 weeks pregnant and completely lost. 7 months later, on November 26th when the story of Nele and Noah began and I knew what she meant. No book, no class, no one could have prepared me for what had happened until then. When two lines appeared on a stick, I entered the complete unknown and followed my heart. Flying back to Germany, feeling lost and strange in a place I had not lived in for years, slowely adjusting back to life, teaching, making new friends, passing out on my bed and getting rushed into hospital with early contractions at 30 weeks, being bed ridden for weeks, then spending a total of 8 weeks in hospital  until on nov 24th labour was induced, giving birth to two healthy children - the greatest things I have ever done.

Nov 24th, the day  I was about to explode labour was induced

Two days of heavy contractions, one natural birth (Nele was born at 12.01 pm on sat 26th) and one nightmare emergency c section (Noah was born at 12.25pm) later the wait was over, I was a mum and my body and mind COMPLETELY exhausted in love. The past 3 weeks have been exhausting, tiering, incredible and amazing. It took us another 2 weeks to recover until last week after being in hospital for 10 weeks total we got to go home. There are a million things to tell, a thousand moments worth writing about but with time being too short for now: 

Introducing

Nele Sophie

born Nov 26th, 12.01 pm

 44cm, 2370 gramm

 &

Noah James

born Nov 26th, 12.25pm

53 cm, 2820 gramm

Nele&Noah, 3 days old.

Noah & Nele, 3 weeks old

I will tell the rest and much more as soon as I can. Thank you everyone who has been a part of this amazing journey. I love you.