In february 2010 I took the over night train to Beijng to attend my first chinese Spring Festival. In the hostel I stayed in I not only came across my favourite group of travellers - who come in form of dutch guys - but also an older british man. He was working as a professor for some british university which regularly cooperated with one in China. This academic cooperation was the reason why he was in China. Over breakfast he told me that now, with his academic work done, he was travelling China for a bit. As many he found the country chaotic, loud, dirty and the people very different from westeners. I remember when he asked my friend Tina if peace was anywhere to be found in China. She quickly told him no. I believe this is mainly true although looking back I did also experience places and times where I felt surrounded by a certain calmness. These moments didn´t happen often, they were rare and didn`t last long. Also, part of the reason why I managed to experience them was due to the fact that I worked in cities which are considered small for China. Less people - less noise. Given China´s population density most of the time the extreme opposite is the case and you find yourself surrounded by pure chaos.
As many elderly people I happend to meet while working and travelling abroad I found this man very interesting. Over tea we continued to talk. He kept on talking about his impressions of China, how different, diverse and contradictory the country seemed to him. I could not agree more. Then he came out with something I have not forgotten until now. "Travelling is like a good rest."
Yesterday I got back from a weekend trip with my family. My dad who works away during the week and can only commute on weekends invited me, my mother and youngest sister on a weekend trip. He wanted to show us the region he works in. It was not a long distance trip - 4 hours on a train - but it was a change of scenery - something new and unfamiliar. It was also family time which, given the circumstances I am in, is becoming more important by the week for me. It was nice to be together, spend time and get away for a weekend but - and I don´t want to sound ungrateful here - it is what it is with family: It is nice when you see each other and nice when you leave. You realize you are two generations - in our case also two different cultures - with different worlds, each one a bit different from the other- and although it used to depress me previously I feel more and more that it is ok the way it is. You love each other, you argue, you need time together and time apart. Sometimes you need to shut your ears to the nonsense the other person is going on about. You do know you are also not flawless yourself so you keep quiet. Life is what you make of it.
Driving on the A3 on the way back yesterday, sitting in the back with Jay Chou blasting through my headphones, I realized that the past years had changed me. The experiences I was allowed to make, the roads I chose to take have paved my way - made me who I am right now in this very moment. It is funny cause when you´re abroad you are only half aware of the change and process of growth you undergo. Although you are aware you are constantly confronted and challenged by something new you only realize the full effect these things had on you when you get back: the moment you sit back, breathe, allowing yourself to look around, observe and compare. Just like I did after this weekend. Growth is good. It is healthy and necessary - an answer to the question of how you got to become who you are. I am immensely proud and glad I went abroad. I know I am blessed to have made the experiences I got to make, to meet the people I have met. On good days I know that because of my experiences I will now survive the challenges ahead of me as well. I will raise two children on my own, eventually I will move out and have my own place. I will be a full time teacher, a mum - maybe one day someones wife.
28 weeks. We are getting bigger, climbing stairs and moving around all the time gets harder. I wonder how much longer we have. 7 weeks, 8 weeks - more?! It is still hard to imagine that soon two lives will enter mine, depending on me like no one ever has. Travelling is like a good rest. For me it´s part of me and us.
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| Change of scenery. My sister, dad and me. |
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| 28 weeks |
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