The news that shocked my world.

I still remember how in 2009 I thought my life was falling apart. How dreams and hopes shattered, how little by little I picked up the pieces, somehow survived a marathon of graduation exams, and after sat in front of the computer in my parents house with a broken heart and very little patience.
I remember how, when I ended up in China, I often thought that life is funny and that I didn´t get mine.
Later then, I figured that things must happen for a reason - that going away had to happen as it enriched my life in ways I had never imagined.
I remember how years ago I stumbled across my first parenting blog, how I feel in love with it immediately and have followed it ever since. Not much long after Amazon orders would arrive and I would loose myself in the world of babies, parenting and the thought of having a family.
I remember the day me and my ex fiance sat down naming our yet to come children and how happy it made me.

I remembered none of this when two lines appeared on a saturday morning in a bathroom in the south - east of China. Minutes of shock, a body that would not stop shaking and another pregnancy test later confirmed what I had dreamed of for an entire week, before buying two tests at a local pharmacy, a dictionary in my hand and fear in my eyes: Preggers, preggo, pregnant. Me. Me? Me!

I´m gonna spare you full details but "total mess" are words best to describe the weeks and months that followed.

Similar to when I went through my break up I pulled myself together, took each day at a time, worked full hours, contemplated, cried, vomitted, cried some more and decided for life.

The next big news, not long after, shocked me again: I was expecting twins! (Believe me, I did not see the good in this for a long time...) Again, I held onto my decision, filling my ears with Jason Mraz singing: "Everything will be fine. Everything in no time at all ", convincing myself that I  we would be ok.

I knew the best thing to do would be to leave. For a number of reasons.
I would be alone, I would require my family`s help, I hardly had any friends left in my hometown, I knew it would put my dreams on hold for a while but I took deep breaths and remained focused. After I found myself on a chinese hospital bed listening to two healthy heartbeats for the first time, while glancing over at my friend Laura, who had accompanied me, both of us thinking: This is nuts!, I said goodbye and left.

So here we are.
2 weeks in and 17 weeks pregnant.
I am trying.
I have good days and bad ones.
Sometimes I feel at ease  - sometimes completely lost.
I fail and I pick myself up.
All for two little hearts beating inside me.

I watch my body change, my belly grow with every week - amazed how in a few months I will be someones mother.

"Everything will be fine. Everything in no time at all."

Thank you, Jason!*

My very first ultrasound.

*And thank you Laura and Ashley for being my rocks during the last few months. I <3 you.