The gift of freedom

Yesterday, like any other day since I came back to Germany, I found the usual couple of messages in my inbox of my chinese messenger. Those messages, sent by students who I taught over the past 1 1/2 years in China, most of the time say the same - very asian - things: I miss you/ How are you?/ What are you doing now?/Where are you now?....(Those of you who have been or are still in China will understand the Asian - ness of it all. At times you can still smile about it. Other times it drives you crazy and becomes a severe case of TBD - Ting bu dong (chinese: I don´t understand.) When I heard the usual and much annoying sound yesterday letting me know that yes, there are people who message me, I was presented with a message which was not only sooooo typical asian for you but which got me thinking....

我的@jia 16:21:24
now.do you have boy friend . he can take care of you .
我的@jia 16:22:13
about your family they are health
我的@jia 16:22:48
best wish for you .happy everyday
我的@jia 16:23:41
are you thin ？ now
我的@jia 16:27:15
if you thin .i think you are beautiful
我的@jia 16:27:40

see you 

In a few lines and bad english my old student had managed to sum up most aspects Asians, whether young or old, are judged and measured by: beauty, family, weight, relationships. Here is how it goes: If you currently don´t have a boyfriend, there MUST be something wrong with you.Wait! Maybe you´re not thin and therefore not beautiful enough! It could also be your skin colour. Too dark?! Yeah, THAT must be the reason why you are currently single. You better run off to the shops immediately and spend all of your income on a ton of cremes and other products with bleach whitening effect in them. Then you pray and hope for the white and the perfect boyfriend to magically appear. Moreover, if your thights are not the size of a toothpick, you NEED to go on a diet immediately - regardless of your age or any other circumstances. Because: no toothpick figure = no boyfriend. No boyfriend = no husband. You get the picture?! Also, if you don´t miss your parents 24/7 there MUST seriously be something wrong with you and it is pretty obvious you don´t love them properly. Sounds weird to you? Been there - seen and heard it all. It is a vicious cycle and to western people the pressure seems crazy high. In the office women have little to talk about besides their clothes, their latest purchase, their hair and their weight. (There is a reason why me and my friend Laura referred to the daily fashion show with female teachers trying to outdo one another in terms of beauty in our schools as the "hooker catwalk" but the tragedy of female asian fashion is another thing...) If you are not the size of a stick, you get called fat on a regular basis. Been there - heard it - hated it. I´ ve seen and talked to students who, despite having to stay in school for more than 13 hours every day, refuse to eat dinner or lunch or both because somewhere someone idiotic made them believe they should loose weight. Now, in an instant, immediately. And, believe me, we are not talking about an obese child here but a very average size teenager who needs nutrition in order to survive the crazy asian marathon of studying every day!

Chinese women protecting their skin from the sun with umbrellas. A very common picture all over China as soon as the sun is out.

My chinese friend and former colleague Ivy. Your picture-perfect chinese woman: Long hair, fair skin, big eyes, small waist and I am sure high heels.

Being back in Germany currently still sucks at times and most days I miss China immensely, but there are certain things I can praise our neck of the woods for. Of course the focus on beauty, fashion and weight is also apparent here. Every time I enter a shop I see young girls eyeing the latest fashion with their girlfriend, then debating which item they should purchase. Still, there is a lot more acceptance and a lot less conformity surrounding us. Instead there is more tolerance as to what is acceptable, more freedom to choose, try out and express yourself. The kids I teach now vary a lot from my chinese one. You see different styles, different roles they try out and all of it seems ok. Their access to freedom of thinking and choice is obvious. Without being forced to fit a certain role, they get to try different things in life, finally and hopefully leading them to be who they are. The immense gift of freedom.

A few years from now my own children will try out different paths. Maybe they are musical like both their parents, and love to hit the dance floors like their mother. Maybe they like football or discover their passion for travelling one day and start travelling like I did when I was 13. Or they loose themselves in the world of literature, and good stories. Maybe it is none of the above. No matter what it is really - I want to be ok with it. Because what I want for them is to be free, to try out different things, to express themselves, to fail and pick themselves up again. Sometimes I wonder if I would have made it in China if I would have stayed. It is pretty certain that my own children would have never had the change to venture out as much. Here they have a chance to be who they wanna be. You never know what you miss till it´s gone - but you also realize what you would have missed out on when you start somewhere new.

1991. Freedom. My sisters and me dressing up, trying out new roles.