Last week things seemed to have gotten easier. Mornings on my own when my mother goes to work did not bother me anymore. For the first time. Ever. Instead of greeting my mum at 2pm in my pjs I showered, got dressed, did my hair and put make up own. I felt good, I felt in charge, I felt at ease. It does not happen very often. It was BIG. THEN Nele slept through the night and although Noah didn´t it felt amazing and good and like another major step. I remember that I read  in a book that "one day you will wake up and feel a bit more normal again" and I thought: This me! I do feel a bit more normal today. BUT then the weekend came and somehow we were back to square one: Nele did not sleep through the night, in fact did not sleep at all but screamed, screamed and screamed. My parents and me went to have coffee with some family friends and Nele slept through it all but I spent the good afternoon carrying Noah with one arm while using to other to eat. Yesterday my sister and me then experienced another highlight when I had to carry Nele for what felt like 50 km through town cause she was screaming her lungs out lying in the pram. The pram. The pram always work. Voila: weekend of twin dramas. What the hell is going on?! Between tears and feeling hopeless I asked myself multiple times but there simply is no answer to this.

So for now, for me and us this is how it goes: There simply is no plan to this. I take every day as it comes. Some days are ok, last week was even good, some days I pray that I will make it till bedtime and then I pray that it will get easier and better. Nele screams and is restless for most of the day while Noah is calm and loves to look at the bears above his bed. But in the morning it only takes for me to call her name and Nele will put on the most amazing smile. When she is not screaming.she smiles. Smiles at her grandparents and aunts and the bears above her bed. She smiles until she puts a smile on everyones face. And for a brief moment I forget the troubles and insanity of it all.

My wonderfully terrible two: With you I rush and run and climb a thousand stairs every day and try my best to comfort you. You are  better than any diet, any exercise plan. With you I have lost 15kg already and am only 5kg away from my previous weight.

Noah 12 weeks

Nele 12 weeks

We <3 pink. ; )