Getting pregnant, being pregnant, carrying two children for 9 months, watching my belly almost explode, going into labour, giving birth, seeing Noah and Nele for the first time, knowing that they are healthy - a miracle. Being a mum is everything. There are moments, minutes, days filled with love and nothing but gratitude for being able to experience all of this. Then there are times when I feel lost, when the work and stress gets to me and I believe I suck at this. Immensely.
Being a mum is more than I ever thought it would be - the biggest change in my life. It takes time to get used to this new life, to having two babies around, to days where I don't seem to count anymore, where I look at the clock to see that it is 1pm and I have not had the chance to eat yet, to weekends revolving around bottles filled with milk instead of liquor.
I always wanted children. Over the years I dreamed of being someones mum. Now I am someones mum. Twice. I am someones mum but looking around me I know nothing is the way I thought it would be. Most people have one child and are together. Two people - one child. I am by myself and have two children. At times I can cope with it, sometimes loneliness gets the better of me.
I then wish I could around and find that someone by my side who can share the story with me but when I turn and there is the best family I could ask for no one. It is times like this when this happens and I feel lost....
that I know two children is a ton of work but also bigger and more amazing than anything I have ever done in life.
They are amazingly beautiful! I do not have twins. But I remember how insane the first three months were with just one but you get through it and it gets more natural. Good job at baking those two.
ReplyDeleteSorry to say this, Alex, but even the picture of the two of them crying simultaneously is adoarable!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Katie - I don't have twins. One is sure hard enough, so I can only imagine your pain! I broke down in tears again today...multiple times today..., but you keep your friends as close as you can - allow them to help you in any way they can - and mostly pick yourself up again and go on for the sake of those precious babies! I think God has given me strength beyond what I thought I had! :) I'm guessing twins are twice the blessing, too!
Thinking of you & sending lots of love and hopes for quick adjustment!
<3 Janalee
I don't have twins nor even one, but wish to have at least one badly! :)
ReplyDeleteLike how you feel grateful for having Noah & Nele around, on the contrary JP and I are also trying to move on without babies. We've tried enough..and that sucks to have been passing each month with suffer. We came to the thought that we might be better focusing on other goals and just be happy for others who are lucky to have kids.
Maybe our path is not being biological parents..hard to accept, really. But we sorta believe thing happens for reason. So.. sending the vibes of love for your energy recharging there! :)