7 weeks of Nele and Noah.
7 weeks of days, hours, minutes and seconds that seem to fly by and are filled with everything from desperation and tiredness to life, love and laughter. I followed my heart when I decided to leave China, move back to Germany, enter the unknown and unplanned - all to be a mum. Days, weeks. months passed, my belly grew, my body changed, I went into labour. Now I am a mum but nothing and no one could have prepared me for the changes that came and keep coming with this new life. Although the market is filled with books and magazines to buy, clubs and classes to take being a mum is something one has to learn with time. Day by day. Every child is different, twins are a challenge on their own and most of the time this still feels big, is still overwhelming to me. Sometimes I wake up, look around and need a second to remember that this is me now: Mum to twins. I have a son. And a daugther. Sometimes it is already a good day when I get to shower, put make up on and make my bed. Sometimes I think I got the hang of it now until someone starts screaming - screams and screams until I feel helpless. Sometimes I curse my mother because she knows better than me, then I get angry at myself because I know I can not do this on my own but don´t want to admit it. Sometimes I look at old videos, watch the free spirit I was only year ago. Hop on a bus on a friday afternoon after class for another weekend filled with nights thatend in drunken BBQs never end, dances in our favourite club, meeting new people, cheap hang over lunches and the bus ride back that I always dreaded because I knew I would bump into my students when I was too hung over to talk. I miss this life. Sometimes I want it back. Just for a day. When days sometimes only seem to revolve around changing diapers and bottles filled with milk life can get scary and I get scared. Then I ask my mom to watch Noah and Nele for an hour. So I can drive into town and be free. For an hour. I do so until I get nervous. Until I rush in and out of stores, refuse to put on stuff because I can not stop thinking about Noah and Nele. I make my way back. Empty handed. This new life needs time to get used to. With time I hope - wish - know this will get easier. James Morrison is singing "The only way is up". I believe him.
7 weeks of Noah, Nele and me:
7 weeks of days, hours, minutes and seconds that seem to fly by and are filled with everything from desperation and tiredness to life, love and laughter. I followed my heart when I decided to leave China, move back to Germany, enter the unknown and unplanned - all to be a mum. Days, weeks. months passed, my belly grew, my body changed, I went into labour. Now I am a mum but nothing and no one could have prepared me for the changes that came and keep coming with this new life. Although the market is filled with books and magazines to buy, clubs and classes to take being a mum is something one has to learn with time. Day by day. Every child is different, twins are a challenge on their own and most of the time this still feels big, is still overwhelming to me. Sometimes I wake up, look around and need a second to remember that this is me now: Mum to twins. I have a son. And a daugther. Sometimes it is already a good day when I get to shower, put make up on and make my bed. Sometimes I think I got the hang of it now until someone starts screaming - screams and screams until I feel helpless. Sometimes I curse my mother because she knows better than me, then I get angry at myself because I know I can not do this on my own but don´t want to admit it. Sometimes I look at old videos, watch the free spirit I was only year ago. Hop on a bus on a friday afternoon after class for another weekend filled with nights that
7 weeks of Noah, Nele and me:
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| Noah and Nele minus 2 days old |
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| 3 days |
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| 7 weeks |
time flies, eh? :)
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